Ed, Edd n Eddy: The Final Battle
by Screamo Shaymin
Summary: *Re-Upload* The Eds do battle with Matthew once more- And this time, it's to the death!


A/N: I had to work on this one in the presence of the absence of my main story. I just typed it randomly while figuring out how to type Chapter 7 of _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: End of Darkness._ It seems like crackfic, but in all honesty, I was strung out on Peace Tea and had no earthly idea what I was doing. Also, I had just two weeks before my summer break when I wrote this (5/11/13) and was currently in the process of being adopted.

I'll just go ahead and type this. No one's gonna read it. After all, I'm not popular enough to be read…

DISCLAIMER: I do not own _Ed, Edd n Eddy _nor do I own any other crap I put into this story.

WARNING: Complete insanity and maybe some OOC. Like I said, I was strung out on tea. And maybe a cupcake. That's what happens when you live a spoiled life!

Enjoy!

Ed had lost his comic book collection. He swore Sarah threw it away. Sarah swore Kevin stole it. Kevin swore that the comic books were in another dimension. Johnny swore that they didn't exist for some reason. Nazz swore that kittens were cute. So did Jimmy. And Rolf. Now he and the other two Eds—Double D and Eddy, for all you nimrods out there who don't know what I'm talking about in the slightest sense—went to the junkyard, hoping that the books were there.

"Calm down, Ed!" Double D shouted. "We'll locate them soon enough! Don't make me use the soap on you!"

Ed didn't say anything. He was in too much shock after watchingJustin Bieber's concert movie.

"Sheesh, calm down, Sockhead. You've got your panties in a knot for no reason," Eddy grumbled, searching through a pile of random junk. He noticed a box full of comic books—Ed's to be exact—but he ignored it to keep searching.

Double D looked to be surprised. "How do you know about my female undergarments?" he said in a British accent (because an accent makes everything better).

"X-Ray vision! Gotta have it…" Eddy replied.

Ed stayed silent, slowly getting into the fetal position and sucking his thumb. The film he saw was nothing like the horror movies he was so used to. This was even scarier than that.

"Well, I'm sure that we'll find Ed's novels soon enough." Double D said. He looked off into the distance and saw Ed's comic book collection. He stared at it a few seconds and turned around. "But of course, I have my doubts."

"Finally! I found you, Pipsqueak!"

Eddy turned to face his brother, Matthew. He was furious, as steam literally came out of his ears.

Double D had a blank look on his face. "Oh… hello, Mister Eddy's Brother."

Matthew pulled out a large Death Scythe from his buttcrack and pointed it at Double D, who was not scared in the least. Double D knew he was a Meister, and he also knew he was no match for him.

"You ready to die, dweebs?"

"Not really," said Eddy, walking up to Matthew. He spotted Ed's comic book collection off to the side of him, but paid no attention to it. He put on a glove (would you want to touch something that's been in your brother's buttcrack? Didn't think so) and lowered Matthew's weapon.

"Aren't you all scared of me? I have a freakin' Death Scythe! I could kill you all with one swipe!"

Double D sighed. "Very well, I guess I'm up first." He randomly started yelling and glowing. He pulled of his hat and a clump of spiked yellow hair popped up where it was. Why? Because Double D's a Super Saiyan, of course! If you never noticed that, then you are a complete idiot.

He charged up a Kamehameha and shot it at Matthew, killing him instantly. However, Matthew had a fairy in a bottle. It revived him, and he hit Double D with the handle of his scythe. It knocked him to the ground, and he lay there unconscious.

"I'm next, then!" Eddy said with unexpected fervor. Seriously; I didn't even expect it, and I'm the one writing the story!

Anyways, Eddy pulled out a katana and threw himself at his big brother. The sword and the scythe collided, sending sparks and bits of metal everywhere, from Alaska down to the South Pole. I bet those penguins are _really_ upset!

They collided a couple more times, then started to speak to eachother. The words they spoke did not match the motion of their lips.

"You will not survive the attack from my ultimate blade of ultimate destiny!"

Matthew's lips moved for several minutes. "Dork!"

Matthew suddenly swung his weapon and knocked Eddy back to the ground, where he lay next to Double D, unconscious as well.

"You're the last one, Flathead!" Matthew said to Ed. Ed got out of his fetal position and put on a fake beard. He then ripped off his jacket to expose a makeshift animal skin. Then he pulled a spatula from his ear. He started to shout.

"I am Lothar!"

He attacked Eddy's brother with all his might, leaving several cuts on his face. He slashed and slashed and slashed like it was a game of _Legend of Zelda_.

"Quit! Stop! I give up!"

Ed stopped attacking as Matthew surrendered. But, as it turns out, it was fake. Matthew punched "Lothar" in the face, knocking him to the ground instantly.

"Now… who should I kill first?" Matthew contemplated.

"No one…"

A voice took Matthew by surprise. He turned to his left and saw an epicly heroic man (with a goatee and a bald head) next to a purple unicorn. It was Uncle Brony, the biggest fan of _My Little Pony_ who ever lived.

"No… Not you!"

"Yes, it's me! The incredible Uncle Brony. You will not win while I'm here!"

He held up his hand and blasted Matthew with a rainbow beam. Matthew fell to the ground, bleeding from the nose. He was hit in the stomach, so I don't understand how he's bleeding from the nose. It doesn't make sense.

"I give! I give!" Matthew shouted.

"You will lose, Matthew!" Uncle Brony shouted epicly, pulling out a massive pink broadsword.

Matthew pulled out a remote, which would have called up a rescue ship, but instead, Uncle Brony shot a rainbow beam from the massive pink broadsword. The rainbow beam from the massive pink broadsword struck, and the rainbow beam from the massive pink broadsword disintegrated Matthew.

And so the battle was won.

The Eds all woke up and saw Uncle Brony flying off into the distance on a pegacorn – that's a mix between a unicorn and a Pegasus, kids! They all stood and saluted as he flew off into the distance… like a boss.


End file.
